The Vole --- Customer Survey

I've always thought that bringing in management consultants is an admission that your own management is inept. Some are convinced consultants only say what the MD wants to hear. They don't get their invoices cleared otherwise! ( you are getting cynical.... Matt) .

The latest group of consultants floating around Ivory Towers are carrying out customer surveys, focus groups, interviews and the like to discover what the customers want, but more importantly, what the customers think of AV(2010)PLC. The budget for this is a cool £100k my informant in the Accounts Dept. tells me.

I would have thought standing a few selected managers by busy locks would have given them the information they seek. Many locks get 100+ boats per day through them so it wouldn't take long to get a meaningful sample of opinions.

Perhaps the reason this very cheap option is ignored is this. The last thing managers want these days is to meet customers i.e. boaters. Maybe I'm being charitable here. The lower ranks at AV have their own ideas. Some say the senior managers are chicken, others say they are afraid that a boater might stick a windlass in their hand and expect them to operate the lock!

Ms D.Vine -- Boat Sales & Moorings

I have had a number of complaints from people searching for moorings that some people are jumping the queue by buying a boat from AVML(2010)Ltd. The latter confirmed that buying a boat from their brokerage entitled the purchaser to apply for a mooring which would normally be forthcoming within 28 Days.

When I rang Hugh Baton for an official statement he gave this short answer. "So? What's the problem? People buy a boat from us and get a mooring....it's just good business as far as we are concerned."

A boater who complained didn't get any further than "If you think you have a case sue us".

(Private monopolies ! Matt)

Ms D.Vine -- Recipe of the Day #1 Sorrel Sauce

Sorrel sauce - a sharp green sauce to serve with canal fish.

First drain the pound, (a short pound speeds up the process no end..... Matt), then scoop up those fish left floundering.
Gather some Sorrel (I know its a weed, but its a good weed)
Purée a handful of the chopped leaves in butter, and gradually stir stir in a small carton of cream.
Rub through a sieve and serve with your fish. (Unseived the mixture makes a perfect stuffing for trout, or other river fish.)

Rudolph Hooker -- Declining Standards

I never buy canal magazines such as Canal World any more, but I'm occasionally given a copy by another boater with instructions to "read article xxx and tell me what you think".

The article in question usually appears to be written by someone who cannot think of anything sensible to write on a canal related topic and creates numerous column inches worth of utter rubbish instead. I sometimes wonder if this is a cynical attempt to generate "feedback" from outraged and knowledgeable boaters to fill the letters page and thereby prove to their editors that people read "their" column. I hope editors will realise this type of journalism not only brings their publication into disrepute, but makes themselves and the generators of such rubbish, look complete idiots.

Editors please note. Folk on the Cut aren't stupid so please file this patronising rubbish where it belongs, on some write-only drive on your network. Please don't waste trees or our time trying to feed us crap.

Ms D Vine -- Castlemill Revisited

Recently I found myself talking to a group of Americans, from a hire boat, who wanted to know if the boarded up site with razor wire topping at Castlemill was really the British equivalent of Guantanamo Bay as the graffiti suggested ! I was forced to recount the tale where BW closed down the boatyard, evicted the protesters, smugly claimed victory and then built the "compound" as it became known locally.

However, the protesters didn't let it rest there and did a deal with the local council to the effect that no planning permission for the site would be granted until the alternative facilities, promised by BW, came on stream. None did so the site has remained "blighted" ever since. Even the fencing, eyesore that it is, doesn't have planning permission..... it was just another example of BW over reacting.

AV(2010)PLC denies any responsibility for the situation regarding the Castlemill site, claiming it doesn't even own the site !
And so it goes on......